Tag Archives: inspiration

A Look at How I Journal

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old journal stackWhen most people find out that I keep a journal, their response is along the lines of: “Wow, that’s impressive; every time I’ve tried to keep a journal it just hasn’t worked.” It’s always an interesting response to me, because I don’t believe a person can “fail” at journaling. It’s something you do for yourself: recording whatever you want to, however you want to, whenever you want to. There shouldn’t be any pressure to make your journal anything but the space you want it to be for you.

In the spirit of that, I wanted to share how I personally use my journal. Not simply to give you ideas, but also to encourage you about how limitless, personal, and valuable a practice it can be in your life.

What I Write

There are a few things I (currently) record in my journal through words and writing.

Gratitude lists. If you’ve known me for nearly any length of time, you know that I don’t shut up about gratitude [and if you didn’t know that, you can read this]. Cultivating a grateful heart has completely changed my life in the best ways. The only thing that is a guarantee for me to journal every day is a list of the things I’m grateful for throughout the day. Writing these lists is the highest form of self-care for me, and re-reading them over time is a delight all over again.

When I wake up, I write the day’s date, pen the words “Thank you for:” in the corner, and start bullet points down the side of the page. I fill in the list as things come, or in a moment when I need to focus on building up the good. Sometimes the list will fill the page, other times I’ll draw a dotted line to make it a separate column from something else I’m putting in. I don’t have a minimum or maximum daily count; I just let it happen naturally and allow myself to be pleasantly surprised.DSC00314

Scripture reading log. I don’t follow a reading plan. I tried to in the past, and sometimes it worked for me, but often the plan would ask me to read too much in one sitting, or would make studying scripture feel like something to check off my to-do list instead of something to pour myself into. Right now, I simply read one chapter of the Bible a day. There are some days I don’t read the Bible, such as when I had pulled a near-all-nighter doing homework in college and could feel my eyes closing but was still reaching for my Bible when I heard clearly in my spirit: ‘Tessa– go to bed. Your mental health matters to me. We talked today, it’s fine.”

I decide which book to read by alternating between the Old Testament and New Testament in their orders. Recently I finished reading Numbers, and I am now reading Matthew; next I will read Deuteronomy, then Mark, and so on. If it’s a more difficult book to read, such as the books of the Law, I will also read a Psalm.

In terms of recording my scripture study, I pen a bracket and the name of the book and chapter I’m reading that day. As I read, if something stands out to me, if I have thoughts, or if something confused me and I did some research, I will write notes on those things or even process them through writing. Once I’m done, I pen the other bracket at the end. Sometimes, there are days I read the chapter and simply don’t have anything to say about it. In those cases, I will still pen the other bracket after the book name and chapter, so I remember I read it. It’s okay to not “get something” out of scripture every time you read it; desire to learn is already a delight to Him.

“Proper” journal entries. When I have a lot of feelings I need to sort through or when something happens in my life that I want to remember, I write a journal entry that resembles what most people probably think of when they picture journaling: straight up writing, stream-of-consciousness.

I think what intimidates most people about keeping a journal, what makes them feel like they’ve “failed” to keep theirs, is that they imagine they need to write entries like this every day. I definitely don’t write entries like this every day; I only write them when I want to, when I have something to say or process. If I tried to write entries like this every day, I would probably start getting discouraged and feel like my life was boring! They’re helpful and enjoyable when they’re written out of desire rather than duty. I just write what I care about; it isn’t for anyone but myself, so there’s no pressure.

Drafts. Occasionally, if I want to write something for my blog but am unsure about how much of my personal story and feelings to include, I’ll write the first draft in my journal. Sometimes it truly is a first draft. But sometimes, once I’ve gotten it all out in my journal, that’s where it stays, because that ends up being the best place for it to live. Starting blog posts in my journal has become a healthy habit for me because, to be honest, I’ve probably avoided some conflicts by doing it.flowers and journal

Book notes. Every once in a while, I will read a book so impactful that I want to take notes on it. When that’s the case, I write the name and author of the book, then below that I’ll record quotes or what I’m learning. When I stop reading for that sitting, I might write down which chapter(s) I read in case I want to find something in context again. I draw a little swirly line to separate my book notes from any other journal entry that might go on that page. It’s interesting to re-read later and see how my book notes have similar themes to my regular journal entries and scripture studies from the same timeframe.

Beginning-of-the-year thoughts. I don’t really set goals at the beginning of the year, but I do like to dedicate the first page of the year to writing out a few hopes for it. If I start a new journal in the middle of the year (which is a guarantee for me because I fill them with so much), I rewrite those hopes on the first page of the journal as a reminder.

Calendar notes. I have a calendar on my desk and do not at all ask my journal to function that way, but I do like to make a note of holidays, birthdays, and milestones next to the day’s date, just so I can easily remember if I look back.

[I also use a prayer journal and a poetry journal, but I like to keep those separate from the rest of my writing.]

How I Decorate

A colorful, thrown-together journal might not work for everyone, but it adds some extra sunshine to my life to be able to decorate my pages. Most of my decorations end up serving a purpose, too! I use a few different things.

Quotes. I’ve always collected quotes from anywhere I find them, so incorporating them into my journal pages makes a lot of sense for me, and also makes it a bit easier to find one if I want to go back to it.

I write them on any blank spot on the page I’m currently using. I prefer to use fun gel pens or markers, but if I only have my simple black pen with me I don’t mind using that, either. Cursive hand lettering looks pretty regardless of the pen you’re using.

I don’t really go looking for quotes to add in, because I regularly find a good amount that leave an impression on me in everyday life– from songs I hear, tweets, Pinterest, books or blog posts I read (I don’t often take notes on whole books like I mentioned earlier, but sometimes there are just lovely lines, aren’t there?), movies I watch, Tyler Knott Gregson’s poetry blog (swoon), and anything else relevant for me at the time.

Photos. At the end of every month, I look through my photos and print out a few highlights from that month to make a page or two into a mini scrapbook. I write “[Month] Moments” at the top of the page, arrange the photos to my liking, attach them with regular scotch tape rolled on the back, then add any little commentary I want to below the photos. Sometimes I won’t have a photo from something that happened, so I’ll bullet point those moments somewhere on the page. If there are photos from a particular event and I also have a little memento from it, such as a concert ticket or wristband, I like to pair those together.DSC00457DSC00323

If I have strips from a photo booth, I like to add those into my journal, too, but I probably wouldn’t wait until the end of the month. I would instead just add them when I got them, on the journal page from that day. I do the same with movie tickets.

Apart from my monthly scrapbook page, I regularly add in a random photo or two to most of my journal pages, simply because it brings me a little burst of joy; I’m very visual and love having lovely images around me. These random photos aren’t usually my own, instead I scroll through my Pinterest and find a handful that I want to print out. I print them wallet-sized on regular office paper from my home printer and save them in an envelope I’ve attached to the back page of my journal (if the journal doesn’t have a built-in pocket) until I want to use one. Sometimes the photo fills in an empty space on the page, other times I add the photo first and work around it. How I execute all my creative journal additions depends on my mood, which I like, because my feelings seem to be reflected on the page visually even if I didn’t write a journal entry about how I felt.journal spread photos

Washi tape, doodles, & stickers. These things generally serve as space fillers and just add a nice bit of color and interest to the pages.oooooooooooooo

I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my journal, and that maybe you’ve even found a spark of inspiration for your own. Don’t succumb to any pressure you feel to be a daily writer, or make every page a work of art, or do anything a certain way. Just do it for you.

Do you journal? What works well for you? What about it makes you happy?

On Making Art I Hate

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The longer I’m alive and the more I create, I am beginning to see that I’ll never make art I like unless I keep making art I hate.DSC01456

I don’t know if I’ve ever hated something I’ve made, but it has sometimes been difficult to have a glorious image of what it will look or sound like in my mind, only to fall short in being able to make that with my own limited hands. I think that’s the hardest part. The piece might not be terrible, but it isn’t what I wanted it to be. So, to me, it is terrible, because it’s a tangible reminder that I fall short.

For a long time, I let that feeling discourage me from making anything.

I would cut up magazine pages to make flowers because I had unused creative passion in me, but I didn’t want to paint, and I definitely didn’t want to try penning any lyrics. There are so many gifted artists in this world, in my own life, even, and it’s sometimes hard to believe that I have something worth listening to when there are a lot of people who could express it better than I can. Some already have. And I just don’t know where what I make fits into all these voices.

I’ve realized it’s okay if multiple voices speak the same thing.

A few unfinished paintings have been sitting around my easel for a while, shoved under a tablet of watercolor paper, me being completely uninspired to do anything more with them. But the past two days, two friends have visited my house. One painted with me as we watched a Spiderman movie, and told me as she looked around my nearly covered walls that she was getting inspired; the other asked about my art and what it meant, telling me she loved all of it. I didn’t know I needed to hear those things, but oh I needed to. Something in me just clicked into place, and I just keep making things. I just keep asking for inspiration, and finding it, because I’m looking. And because I say yes to using it.

I often fall into telling my soul, “Someone else will write a brilliant verse about that;” “Someone else would be able to portray that wondrously;” “I’m excited to see that when someone else makes it.” And over time, I’ve grown tired of hearing it. I’ve been choosing to just try, even if I won’t do as well as I think someone else might in making that thing the best it can be. If the inspiration happened inside me, who else can I ask to create it? Only the Lord and I get to see it when it stays walled up. And that is one of the biggest reasons I keep trying.

Yesterday, I finished the unfinished things. One had to be cut small and pasted onto a journal page. One kept wanting more, so I continued to mix colors throughout the day, trying to appease it, until it said, “Hey… maybe now I’m enough.” One was a surprise, starting out as an “I-don’t-want-to-waste-paint-so-let’s-just-smear-it-all-on-this-paper” piece but becoming a garden that made my mouth curve slightly upwards. And one… one just needed to be looked at a while longer, until I decided it was okay. None of them made me particularly excited, but I was so grateful to finally be making something, to finally breathe the rest of the life into the half-made things. And then…

He gave me three song ideas. Three. And I started all of them, and I felt alive again.

Music is my heart’s desire, so much so that it terrifies me and I need the people around me to continuously remind me not to run from it. But I haven’t written lyrics in so long, because there are poets and writers and singers so much more eloquent and gifted than I am. I fear deep in my bones that I am not good enough.

When all I need to do is say yes.

I ran with the inspiration, not away from it. I believed that maybe I can express at least some piece of what I see. And even if nothing became a glorious work, I worked gloriously because I said yes to doing it.

Those finished paintings from yesterday didn’t end up like my hopes for them; they weren’t wonderful. But because I had enough in me to say yes to making them, I said yes to the next inspiration, too. I spent hours on it today.

And I really, really like it.

I didn’t know if it would capture a bit of what I was seeing inside me. But I was willing to see, to give it a chance. And at the end, I backed away… and I caught a glimpse. My heart fluttered for a moment, and I just sat and stared.

I wouldn’t have this if I didn’t have the good-enoughs.

I wouldn’t be able to create what I love if I didn’t create what I hate sometimes, too.

Starting Over: What Jesus Taught Me in January

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Lesson 1: Every breath is a chance to be new. I know it’s only a month into the year, but I’ve already made a plethora of mistakes. I messed up pretty badly on January SECOND! I honestly do treasure 2011, it was wonderful, but it was a very difficult year inside of me. That’s why I was even more excited than usual to start a new year! A chance to try again, to be better. But, like I said, I am not even close to perfect. I did “little” things, I did “bigger” things, but they all broke my heart. I was incredibly upset with myself. Why wouldn’t I grow? Why was I the same as I was three years ago? I felt stuck, utterly stuck, like I could never be different. I told Jesus, “I’m so sorry that I ruined another chance.” I didn’t expect what He replied: “It’s okay. I’m giving you another right now.” He has continued to say that everyday. He was saying it before I heard Him! I don’t need a new year, a new month, a new week, even a new day to start over. Jesus promises that when I delight myself in Him, the desires of my heart will be fulfilled! Every breath He gives me comes with a choice, to let Him in or to push Him away. Even when it seems I’m stuck, I can choose Him. I can choose to let Him change me. I can start over in the middle of the day and turn it all around, just by talking to Him and being positive. I’m not stuck! Although, with Him in my heart and life, I wouldn’t mind the world stopping. “Staring Over”, both the concept and the Audio Adrenaline song, was my theme this month.

Lessons 2 and 3: “Fear is easy, love is hard” and “There’s no thief like fear.” Both of these are songs from Jason Gray’s “A Way to See in The Dark” album, and rather than try to explain how the concepts came alive to me, here are the songs for your enjoyment and pondering, so they can come alive to you!  

Lesson 4: Passion matters. It dawned on me after I wiped away my tears. I had just finished watching “Finding Neverland”, the touching tear-jerker based on the life of James Barrie, the playwright who created Peter Pan. Mr. Barrie had been struggling within himself; it seemed that he would never be able to produce a masterpiece of a show. No one, not even his wife, supported him. However, when he made acquaintance with four young boys and their widowed mother in the park one day, the wheels began to turn. He didn’t realize it right away, but the friendship they forged and the games they played inspired him. The words and concepts and love poured out of him into the play that would become “Peter Pan”, named after the boy he touched the most. He introduced love and laughter to them and all of London once again. It’s such a wonderful story! The inspiring thing to me was that Mr. Barrie simply WROTE. Even when he wasn’t literally writing, he was living with creative, poetic eyes. Am I making sense? He didn’t search for inspiration; he waited for it. He saw things the way they could be, instead of simply as they are. I’m a writer, too, and the way he found his ideas is beautiful to me. He had passion, and because of that he was who he was. It was a gentle reminder to put my heart into what I do and open my eyes.

Lesson 5: Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change himself. For the past few years, I have had to entertain someone I didn’t like. I could smile and pretend like I was enjoying myself, but I was grumbling inside the entire time. I kept praying, “Can you get them away from me? Change them or do SOMETHING? I can’t take another day!” But recently, I tried something else: “Will you help me to love them today?” I soon learned that they weren’t the problem– I was! I had never tried to love them! I completely ignored the opportunity God gave me! They love me, look up to me, and call me their friend; they love better than I do! Now everyday before I see them, I pray for love ideas. And– they have not annoyed me in over a month. Funny(but not) how we think everyone else is the problem.

     Lesson 6: I really do live in a cold, cold world. For those of you who don’t know, I am homeschooled. I always have been and always will be. I love it and would rather be homeschooled than not, but with it comes being a little “sheltered.” It’s not a bad thing at all, it means I’m protected, but sometimes when I see something happen or hear what some people say, I suffer from shock and extreme sadness. In this instance, I was at the library using a computer, and for the entire two hours I was there, a high school boy and girl had a conversation that made me hold back tears. They broke my heart further and further with each passing minute. I won’t go into the nitty-gritties of what they talked about, but I do ask you to pray for them! Apparently, they had just met that afternoon, yet were sharing these deeply personal secrets with each other! Maybe they weren’t even secrets, which would break my heart even further. Before I left, Jesus beat my heart, asking me to give them the gospel. I was completely willing at this point, because they needed HELP! I always have a few booklets of the gospel of John in my purse (you can get your own at http://www.ptl.org/), so I pulled out two and asked if they wanted them. He looked amused, and she was mirroring him with a little surprise behind her eyes, but they did accept them. I pray for them whenever I remember. It was a wake up call: this world is oh-so cold, and I’m surrounded by opportunities to shine Jesus’s light in the coldest of places.

For Lessons 7, 8, and 9: Check out my post all about my experience at Generation Unleashed 2012!