I’m a dreamer, but I’ve grown to hate talking about the future. If I think about the future too much, I start losing hope because I feel like I have no control, no vision. Most of the time I can avoid it, but sometimes things come up that force me to think long-term, and it becomes a daily choice to keep hope inside me. I have dreams and I know that there are many things I would like to do, but I don’t really have a plan for the grand scheme of my life.
I used to think this was a bad thing, but I’m coming to realize that I have an amazing gift.
When people are worrying about what they’ll be doing five years from now, I’m not; it just isn’t a thought that enters my brain naturally. I know the future isn’t mine to plan, so instead I’m writing something passionately, or laughing at something my brother said, or going on an adventure to the bookstore with my sister, or talking to my best friend on the phone, or reading an impactful book for school, or overhearing people encourage others, or playing with children– and living in those things. My life is not worse because I’m riding the wind.
This is the wind Jesus is sending me.
I think that’s the thing. I think the reason I don’t think long-term anymore but still dream is that’s all Jesus requires of me. He doesn’t need me to plan anything; He needs me to carry joy about the dreams He’s carrying out in my life. I have passion, I have hope, I have willingness, and these things used be pushed down by the plans I was making for myself. Why don’t I just let Him be creative? He’s more of a dreamer than I am anyway, and knows my heart better than anyone. His wind is soft but strong, with a determined direction. I can ride it with Him, wrapped up in His love that is present, and be confident that wherever we go is a good place. No need to think long-term. Our joy is right here, together, in these dreams and in this hope that is solely for Him and not some end result.
I have my end result. I have the love of my Creator and we get to live in it.
I’m writing this because I know I’ll forget. Somehow, I forget that my life is a wonder. I began my sophomore year of college two weeks ago and cried on the drive to campus the first day because I just cannot see where my studies are going to take me; it looks dim to me, almost empty. But my hope is alive in my constant companion, who listens to me when I’m dumping the contents of inside me on Him during the drive home every single day; who sends me people to remind me what He’s promised; who sings with me, songs I need to hear and songs I simply love; who reminds me that He’s a dreamer, too. The future is scary because I can’t see it. But right now is beautiful because He’s here with me.
He’s with you, too.
“We can’t keep fighting for a steady life/ so/ I’ll ride the wind like a feather toward home/ with hope.” -Colony House, “Lose Control”