This is going to be a little different. Maybe you don’t want to hear it. But maybe you need to.
This is what has been on my mind this week. I wondered why I was feeling hurt, but then I learned about what’s been going on– devastation in Oklahoma; Zach Sobiech’s passing; the anniversary of Maria Chapman’s passing; the suicide of a man I’ve never met but now call my brother, named Jordan Watts; even fictional deaths are hurting me, like when I watched “War Horse” and read “Les Miserables.” I’ve prayed that Jesus would allow me to feel again, and also that I wouldn’t ignore those hurting in the world, and He’s been answering those prayers, but this wasn’t the way I expected Him to answer. I didn’t think it would mean that I would be in a state of sadness for people I’ve never met. But He continues to remind me that it’s an inkling of what He feels; it’s a way for me to be close to Him. He mourns when we are hurting; our heartbreak and pain are the causes for His. He knows what we feel, because He feels it.
This piece of writing today is spontaneous; I didn’t plan on writing it and I don’t quite know the message I want to share. But I just feel like I need to do something to mourn for them, to honor them in someway.
Zach Sobiech. His story moves me to tears, but who he was makes them fall. He was just a little bit younger than me. These things I’ve been dreading, like graduating and going to college, are things that he’ll never get to do. It was like a slap in the face when I heard his story. What business do I have being ungrateful about growing up?! Thank you, Zach; I will rejoice in this crazy season, because you would have. Your music and your heart and your outlook have moved me so much. I am encouraged by you to love everyone I can, while I can. I hope that I’ll get to meet you in eternity; maybe we can make music together.
Jordan Watts. I am so crushed. Although I didn’t know him and hadn’t even heard of him until this weekend, he was my brother; he used his gifts to create beautiful music and paintings, he gave his hands to Jesus and He used them! Now the world has lost him. Please, look at this man and see that your gifts are not wasted when you give them to the Lord! Your life has so much value, you contribute to the world, He isn’t done with you! Thank you, Jordan, for what you gave. Your music is amazing and it hurts me that no more will come, because I would have been a dedicated fan. I know that when I go home, I’ll meet you, and I so look forward to it. I am so glad that you no longer feel any pain. I miss you, even though we’ve never met.
To those who are still trying to breathe after losing someone they love: I am praying for you. I ache for you. You are not alone. The Lord is there with you, crying with you right now, and He will heal you. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.