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A Eulogy of Sorts

     This is going to be a little different. Maybe you don’t want to hear it. But maybe you need to.


     This is what has been on my mind this week. I wondered why I was feeling hurt, but then I learned about what’s been going on– devastation in Oklahoma; Zach Sobiech’s passing; the anniversary of Maria Chapman’s passing; the suicide of a man I’ve never met but now call my brother, named Jordan Watts; even fictional deaths are hurting me, like when I watched  “War Horse” and read  “Les Miserables.” I’ve prayed that Jesus would allow me to feel again, and also that I wouldn’t ignore those hurting in the world, and He’s been answering those prayers, but this wasn’t the way I expected Him to answer. I didn’t think it would mean that I would be in a state of sadness for people I’ve never met. But He continues to remind me that it’s an inkling of what He feels; it’s a way for me to be close to Him. He mourns when we are hurting; our heartbreak and pain are the causes for His. He knows what we feel, because He feels it. 

     This piece of writing today is spontaneous; I didn’t plan on writing it and I don’t quite know the message I want to share. But I just feel like I need to do something to mourn for them, to honor them in someway.

Zach Sobiech.

His story moves me to tears, but who he was makes them fall. He was just a little bit younger than me. These things I’ve been dreading, like graduating and going to college, are things that he’ll never get to do. It was like a slap in the face when I heard his story. What business do I have being ungrateful about growing up?! Thank you, Zach; I will rejoice in this crazy season, because you would have. Your music and your heart and your outlook have moved me so much. I am encouraged by you to love everyone I can, while I can. I hope that I’ll get to meet you in eternity; maybe we can make music together.

Jordan Watts.

  I am so crushed. Although I didn’t know him and hadn’t even heard of him until this weekend, he was my brother; he used his gifts to create beautiful music and paintings, he gave his hands to Jesus and He used them! Now the world has lost him. Please, look at this man and see that your gifts are not wasted when you give them to the Lord! Your life has so much value, you contribute to the world, He isn’t done with you! Thank you, Jordan, for what you gave. Your music is amazing and it hurts me that no more will come, because I would have been a dedicated fan. I know that when I go home, I’ll meet you, and I so look forward to it. I am so glad that you no longer feel any pain. I miss you, even though we’ve never met.

      To those who are still trying to breathe after losing someone they love: I am praying for you. I ache for you. You are not alone. The Lord is there with you, crying with you right now, and He will heal you. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

                               Listen to “Clouds” by Zach Sobiech | Listen to “The Notebook” by Jordan Watts


4 thoughts on “A Eulogy of Sorts

  1. Hi Tessa, This is your Aunt Cheri. What a beautifully written blog. Jillian just lost a friend who was 24 to the same cancer. She was amazing. Death is a part of life and how we live makes all the difference. Its really the beginning of things that are more real than what we have in the physical life. God has over come death. We live. just in another place of joy and boundless love that has no end or boundaries. I said all that just to say… the burden you have on your heart right now is actually a calling from Jesus. You are at an amazing place of choices and right of passage. We are challenged to live a life that matters by making choices and taking chances to do just that.. Actually live. We choose life every day… or not.
    Take chances when you feel the tug on your heart. Wake up every day and know that Gods got it. You just need to walk it. Don’t miss the experience. Do not settle. To whom much is given, much is expected. You have amazing talents and passions. God gives us passions for things or causes to compel us to do the things he has called us to do. Our part is to say yes. Our part is to go forward and not let fear or doubt keep us from life.
    This calling you are feeling will launch you to value who God has made you to be and be excited about all you will become. Its going to be an amazing adventure. Just Say yes. Thats how we honor those we love and have gone on before us to heaven. By getting up and living to the best or our ability in whatever capacity God puts in front of us. Say yes, and buckle up. Cause its going to get exciting.
    Love and hugs

    1. Thank you, Aunt Cheri!
      I’ll be praying for Jillian and all who knew her friend. I am so glad that death is not the end!
      And thank you for your encouragement. The lives of Jordan and Zach have really challenged me to love my own life, as well. I will do my best! Like you said, all I need to do is say yes and hold on to Him!
      I love you too!

  2. Wow. I just now saw this for the first time. Thank you so much for including Jordan in your blog. It’s been a year, one month, and one week since Jordan went home. I miss him every day, but am so very grateful that his life, music, and art continue to spread the love of Jesus all over the world. Blessings to you for sharing about my precious son.

    1. It is such an honor for me to hear from you, Michelle. I’ve secretly wanted to tell you what an impact Jordan has made in me, and I am in awe that Jesus would bring to you to find this. I have Jordan’s BandPage on loop frequently; he speaks truth and hope into me when I’m carrying unrest or sadness, and I am endlessly grateful for him. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. Praying for you always.

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