I love when Jesus does things like this.
Right when I saw it I was drawn to it. It looked like a little piece of Heaven. Plus, I’ve always wanted red hair, so I liked to imagine this picture was of me. I repinned it and enjoyed it.
Around the same time, I was doing a lot of searching inside my head, and it was a little confusing. I was asking for clarification about many of my feelings. I just wanted to be as pure as possible. Jesus has graciously shown me bit by bit the places I am impure, all of them in my thoughts and motives. I am especially hard on myself when it comes to thinking about my future husband. I try to pray for him, and I have a list of qualities I seek in him, but besides that I try to not dwell on him. I’m terribly obsessive; when I start dreaming about a husband I can’t think of anything else, and that’s not the life I want to live. I want to live NOW, not wait until I get married to start enjoying life and feeling significant. I want to know that I am whole because of Jesus inside me, not because of a ring on my finger. Maybe I sound extreme; maybe others aren’t extreme enough; I don’t know. I just want to be pure and live in the entirety of God’s will for me, and, for me at least, that means letting Him bring me and my husband together instead of doing all this wondering and searching. I forget this sometimes. Sometimes I remember the feeling I have when I see a man He has clearly told me I will not marry, and wonder what I have in my heart for him if not love. Sometimes I run into a sweet and handsome but very sarcastic man I don’t know too well, and I wonder how much is too much thinking about him. Sometimes I wonder why I am so blessed to have an abundance of godly men in my life– that aren’t for me. At the time I mentioned before, all these thoughts came at once and I could only pray, “Please, confirm that I’m doing the right thing! Teach me how to know the truth behind what I feel!”
My heart really did stop for a few seconds! This picture matched up with the one I’d connected to earlier and had a message for me! Not only did I read the book of Jude and get all kinds of encouragement, but I found such comfort just looking at the pictures side by side. Both the boy and the girl are backpacking and looking forward. Both are sizing up a snow-capped mountain, the SAME one, I like to think, ready to trek over it to get to each other. But the girl is in a sweet meadow, while the boy has a river to cross, a few mountains to climb. I think this meant to me that I’m in the right place, that I am being sought by someone committed.
Can you relate? Well, open up your heart: Jesus is sending love your way!
But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. -Jude 20 & 21