Love is an ocean wide…

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     Now that I’m writing “ocean testimonies”, I have the perfect opportunity to share a HUGE turning point of my walk with Jesus! June 20-22, 2011, my youth group was staying at a beach house. I don’t think any of us expected to be so affected and changed just by living at the beach and doing devotions, but I’m pretty sure every heart was touched there in some way. We didn’t go anywhere those three days– we did things with each other in the house and on the beach.  We watched sunsets, shared devotionals, made music, played speed scrabble(new favorite game!), and of course, played on the beach and in the waves.

I wasn’t quite sure what had been happening inside me while I was there until my youth pastor asked me to share at youth group the next week; it got me to really analyze and think about it, and in the end I was amazed, so thank you, AJ! I remembered when I was sitting in the sand with a few friends watching the sunset. It was a gorgeous sunset, unlike any I’d seen, and I visit the coast pretty frequently! We didn’t even talk as we watched it because it was soaking us in. Suddenly I thought,”Married couples watch sunsets and walk on the beach together. I wish there was a man next to me.” My youth group laughed when I said that, and you might be laughing right now, too, because I am! That’s just how I thought, because my dream was(and still is) to marry and have a family. I was so consumed by it, almost attacked by it at random times in the day. The experience of the sunset was beginning to become less exciting as I imagined this “void”.

But why would you want to walk on the beach with a man when you ARE on it with the One who MADE it FOR YOU?

That thought entered my mind and sat there for a long time, longer than I realized it.

The rest of the trip I was full of hunger. I tried to write a song but couldn’t get the words out, and sometimes I just went to the beach, splashed in the waves, and thought. I didn’t know what else to do,  so I prayed a lot, telling God everything I was thinking. Somehow, in the mysteriously awesome Jesus way, it sparked a deepening of our relationship as Jesus-and-Bride. It finally hit me awhile ago that a relationship with God truly is a relationship, because He is real and with us! He’s interested in a personal relationship with me, and I want to go deeper, too! Every day I ask Him to teach me to spend time with Him as His friend and bride. He fulfills my dream! As a bonus, now I’m not overwhelmed or occupied with thoughts for boys. I had been trying to lessen the obsession for a while, but only when I went to Jesus instead of myself did something happen. I stopped focusing on the problem and started focusing on the Answer! I know that there is a man somewhere for me, but it’s not what I live for anymore. I look forward to it and pray for my man, but now instead of worrying about it I thank God for the exciting mystery. What do I live for now? I live to love my True Love, Jesus, and THAT is living my dream!

     I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.  -God (in Hosea 2:19 & 20)

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2 responses »

  1. Tessa, this is beautiful. Really beautiful. And you’re so right – Jesus was and is and will always be our First Love. His is our Bridegroom, and the Lover of our souls. Thanks for writing this. You know I love you and pray for you each day…

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